s2309: (heart)
I know I've been babbling a lot here about my own life and not enough about White Collar (even though I've been thinking of White Collar, quite a lot), but here's one more post (hopefully one of the last) before we finally go back to our (ir)regularly scheduled programme.

everybody here has seams and scars. so what? level up )
s2309: (Alex 01)
Yep, I'm alive.

Title: Watching The Waves Crashing
Characters (Pairings) Kate Moreau, Alex Hunter (background Kate/Neal).
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 523
Disclaimer: White Collar is Jeff Eastin's brainchild. Not mine.
Summary: Anyone can kinda sorta be friends, given enough alcohol. Fun and games don't hurt either.
Author's Note: This is just random floof. There's no plot here. Title's from Skies On Fire by The Green Children.
Apparently, according to my brain, Kate and Alex can only be friends when they're drunk off their asses. Okay then.
Also, I'm pretending that arcades are the same all over the world, because who has time for research, this is a kinda sorta last minute thing... don't tell anyone.
This is for [livejournal.com profile] sheenianni, for the [livejournal.com profile] wc_women_fest Holiday Exchange. I hope you like it!
Also, since it's well past midnight here, happy new year!! (Which also means this fic is late. ...it's our secret, okay? Shhhhh.)


fic! )
s2309: (Kate)
And as usual, I went overboard :P But I really don't know how not to, and I'm going to stick with what feels right, because I'm tired of stuffing things away, and if I can't be at least a little more honest than I usually am on the internets, then where?

Clicky!
s2309: (Default)
[Background for you if you magically got here without being linked to it - I wrote this up as part of my fandom stocking post when I asked for music recs, and then realized that it was a bit, ahem, long.]

[Oh, and yes, I have a stocking! I'll make sure to link to it when it's up :D]

Genre talk. )

This brings me to the conclusion of this long winded ramble on music I love. I hope it helped! And even if it didn't, I hope you had fun!


This entry was originally posted at http://sapphire2309.dreamwidth.org/52048.html.
s2309: (Alex 01)
I haven't written too much, and I want to at least try, so:

Give me a character (no repeats, please!) and a lyric, or a few lyrics, from a song that hits you right in the feels.
s2309: (heart)
On October 20th, 2015, a friend of mine died. I knew him for only two months, but he was one of the kindest people he knew and I valued him greatly.

Today, I realised that the painted bottle he gifted me for my birthday was missing from my living room, and also that the one voice message I had of his (in which he talked about Mojo Jojo, the sweetheart), was locked on a phone whose data I couldn't access. And for the first time since he died, I really, truly missed his presence.

If I thought I was mad at Neal before...

I left off my series of S6 finale tags (I had more planned). If I start them again now, I will tear into Neal perhaps worse than he deserves. Because I've spent the past couple of hours crying, hiccoughing to a stop, and crying some more. Because for one of those two hours, I couldn't understand how the world would get back to normal again after this much pain. To hurt someone like that, intentionally, without cause, without consideration, is too cruel for words.

My nana (maternal grandfather) is really unwell and feeble. He's not going to live much longer. Someday, I'll have this moment where I realise that he's really gone.

No one should be forced to have that moment twice. Ever. Just, no. It's too painful.
s2309: (Alex 01)
Thank you all for your comments on my previous post (leave any further responses you may have under that post, please). I don't plan on ignoring them, I just need more time and energy to give them the thoughtful response they deserve - I've been unwell for the past 6-7 days and it's sapping my energy. Also, it's not a good idea for me to let my mind go there in this state - talking myself down from a ledge requires as much energy as anything else, and I tend to be a little more susceptible to braincrap when tired.

Thanks for understanding c:
s2309: (heart)
According to a very beautiful person on AO3, and confirmed by Sheikh Google, yesterday (day before yesterday? it's technically past midnight for me) was Suicide Awareness Day. And, since I'm in a stable enough headspace to talk about it, you get... me talking about it.

(that's a spoiler and not a cut tag because I want people with the new LJ to still be able to see the TW)

Over the past few years, I've been suicidal on and off, I've thought about killing myself on and off, I've sat on rooftops/balconies many times, I've had access to enough antidepressants to off myself and seriously contemplated taking them once.

I'm going to speak only for myself because I know very well that not everyone experiences depression the same way

What people don't seem to understand about my headspace when I'm there, on that roof, with those strips of pills in my hands, is that I am absolutely convinced that me being dead is honestly the best way forward for everyone. I know that there are people who will be hurt if I die, but I weigh that against the constant barrage of inconveniences and pain that my continued existence inflicts on them every day, and the balance tilts in favour of suicide.

What's more, it doesn't even feel like the people who are still around me will bother with caring too much. Being on the edge of suicide is horrible loneliness combined with this strange conviction that this is the right thing to do.

Yeah, it's a real mindfuck.


Today and now, I'm on medication that helps keep me okay. I'm in a stressful educational environment, but I'm learning to deal with that. I'm away from my family and I don't miss them and I think they don't miss me either, but that doesn't make me sad, that's just growing up. I have a roommate, several acquaintances, excellent professors and teaching fellows, a few very kind relatives, and a therapist.

I'm okay.

It feels like a fucking miracle, let me tell you. I'm so scared I'll do something and then be forced to sit around and watch as it all crumbles, but for now, like this, I'm okay.

Let this last, god, and I might even believe in you.
s2309: (Kate)
Title: Flaw In Her Code
Characters (Pairings) Kate Moreau, Neal Caffrey (Kate/Neal)
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2,872
Disclaimer: White Collar is Jeff Eastin's brainchild. Not mine.
Summary: Victory isn't as sweet as it should be.
Warnings: Some may see shades of dub-con in this. I didn't write it that way, but once I've written it, you're free to interpret it as you wish.
Other Content Notes: Shades of power play and humiliation (they're a light or medium grey to my eyes), post orgasm torture.
Author's Note: Written for the prompt 'safety net' from [livejournal.com profile] sheenianni, for [livejournal.com profile] runthecon.
I hope you like your porn with a ginormous heaped ladleful of Feelings, because that's what this became. Also, yes, there are 800 porn-less words in the front. Sorry about that. *glares at brain*. Title from Gasoline by Halsey. (You see where all the feels came from? xD)
I consider this part of my Tomorrow'verse. (see Tomorrow is a Different Day). There's like two fics to be written between that and this, but what the hell. Porn! (With Angst!) (?) (xD)

Kate's tired. But that's not new. )
s2309: (writing)
I recently watched Wall E for the second time (the first time I watched it, I was around 12, which is why these thoughts are cropping up now instead of then), and I was rather surprised to hit a huge stumbling wall of NOPE less than five minutes into the movie.

As a potato on a couch, I should have been more than happy to believe that Wall-E could feel lonely in the absence of all the other Wall-E's, especially considering that he passed by a graveyard full of them on his way to work. But my brain kicked in with Logic.

my disordered thoughts. )
s2309: (puppy)
Title: Let Me Be (Your Hand To Hold)
Author: flipflop_diva
Rating: PG
Tracks: 8
Cover/tracklist dimensions dimensions: 500x500 pixels
Disclaimer: Private Practice is Shonda Rhimes's brainchild. Not mine.
Credit: Image courtesy Google Images. (I'm almost positive that it's a still from Grey's Anatomy)
Author's Note: This mix follows Addison and Derek's pre-Grey's Anatomy canon relationship as told by fireflop_diva in this fic.



click for more )
s2309: (guitar)
Title: The Hereafter
Author: [livejournal.com profile] breadedsinner
Rating: PG-13
Tracks: 10
Cover/tracklist dimensions dimensions: 500x500 pixels
Content Notes: War/battle imagery, grief
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Credit: Images courtesy Google Images (filtering for images labeled for noncommercial reuse with modification) and Pixabay.
Author's Note: My commentary may be spoilery for as yet unposted parts of the fic, so I'll add it to this post later.


more... )
s2309: (Neal 1)
Title: No Such Thing
Characters (Pairings) Cristina Yang, Meredith Grey, George O'Malley, Izzie Stevens, Alex Karev, Neal Caffrey.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 327
Disclaimer: White Collar is Jeff Eastin's brainchild. Grey's Anatomy is Shonda Rhimes'. Not mine.
Summary: Our favourite surgical interns discuss a rather frequent ER visitor.
Content Notes: Mention of a werewolf bite.
Author's Note: Set somewhere in season 1 or 2 of Grey's Anatomy, because I'm nostalgic, even though the timelines don't match. Also, we're pretending Seattle Grace is in New York. Or something.
For challenge 1103 - Paging Dr. Kildare - at [livejournal.com profile] tv_universe. Inspired by [livejournal.com profile] kanarek13's recent art piece, and the White Collar fandom's loving whumpage of our dear, long suffering Neal.
And I know, McSexy was one of the rejects for Mark Sloan's nickname, but I can't think of anything else right now.
Sorry about the messy dialogue tags. All the untagged ones are likely Cristina's. (Can you tell I love her? :D)

McSexy's back. )
s2309: (Neal&Sara 2)
Title: Rust Or Gold, You Decide, What You See, What You Hold.
Characters (Pairings) Neal Caffrey, Sara Ellis (Neal/Sara)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 606
Disclaimer: White Collar is Jeff Eastin's brainchild. Not mine.
Summary: She decides what happens now. Not him.
Content Notes: Anorexia. Hallucinations.
Author's Note: Title from Rust Or Gold by Jill Andrews. S6 finale tag.
This is for my Music Is My Girlfriend meme (which is still open to prompts!), for the prompt Rust Or Gold - Neal, for [livejournal.com profile] treonb. My headspace is still shit. There is light in this story, though. (Let's not talk too much about the headspace.)
This is a sequel to She's Just Like The Weather, Can't Hold Her Together, and is set shortly after that (a hour at the very most, in fic-time).

Read more... )
s2309: (Sara 2)
Title: She's Just Like The Weather, Can't Hold Her Together.
Characters (Pairings) Sara Ellis, Neal Caffrey (Sara/Neal)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1465
Disclaimer: White Collar is Jeff Eastin's brainchild. Not mine.
Summary: It's mildly alarming, really, how badly Sara's dealt with Neal's death.
Content Notes: Anorexia. Reference to suicide. Hallucinations.
Author's Note: Title from Landscape by Florence + the Machine.
For the mini fest at [livejournal.com profile] wc_women_fest. S6 finale tag.
It's past midnight, and I'm not in a good headspace. Proceed with caution. (There is light, though.)

Sara doesn't breathe. )
s2309: (Diana 2)
Because I am fucking sick of not writing, I'm throwing out a remix of the Music Is My Boyfriend meme, which I adore.

Here are twenty songs that I think would make good fic fodder. Pick a song (or a number, if you don't know any of them c: ), pair it with a character, and leave it in a comment! No repeated characters, please c:


1. Left Handed Kisses - Andrew Bird ft. Fiona Apple.
2. If Things Were Perfect - Moby - Elizabeth - [livejournal.com profile] sandy79
3. Extraordinary Machine - Fiona Apple
4. Sajda - from the My Name Is Khan soundtrack
5. Medicine - Daughter
6. Mar Jawaan - from the Fashion soundtrack
7. Nothing & Nowhere - Emily Haines and the Soft Skeleton
8. Jugni - from the Cocktail soundtrack
9. Where I Come From - Maria Mena - Diana - [livejournal.com profile] china_shop
10. Various Storms & Saints - Florence + The Machine
11. In The Waiting Line - Zero 7 - Sara - Anonymous
12. Penguin - Christina Perri
13. Baatein - Fuzön
14. Too Late - M83 - Peter - [livejournal.com profile] sandy79
15. Rust Or Gold - Jill Andrews - Neal - [livejournal.com profile] treonb
16. Last Kiss - Taylor Swift - Kate - [livejournal.com profile] sandy79
17. Elastic Heart - Sia
18. Badi Dheere Jali - from the soundtrack of Ishqiya
19. Losing Grip - Avril Lavigne
20. Thinking Out Loud - Emiliana Torrini
s2309: (June)
Because why not? :D

I already have ideas for stories that fit quite a few of the squares (those are in pink) but I'm very happy to be prompted for the others!

Card! )
s2309: (Neal&Sara 3)
Title: Don't Need A Dozen Roses
Characters (Pairings) Sara Ellis, Neal Caffrey, Mozzie, (Sara/Neal)
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 6456
Disclaimer: White Collar is Jeff Eastin's brainchild. Not mine.
Summary: Sara Ellis is confronted with a case that promises to be just as exciting as she expects it to be and a client who's going to be a pain in rather more unexpected ways.
Content Note: This story portrays the very beginning of a D/s relationship. If you'd like to know anything at all about kinks mentioned or explored in this story, please don't hesitate to PM me.
Author's Note: This fic is for [livejournal.com profile] citrinesunset, for the [livejournal.com profile] wcpairings exchange, with love. I hope you enjoy it! It follows one of your prompts as closely as I could manage. And I am so sorry for the delay!!! Real life staged multiple interventions.
Be warned, italics have been merrily overused.
Pardon the formal register of my writing - I've been watching far too much of The Royals.
The title's from the Nicki Minaj song Get On Your Knees. I would call it the anthem of this fic if my words didn't always end up this damned sappy. As things are, this fic is also inspired by Same Old Same Old, Dust to Dust, Eavesdrop, Disarm, and Poison and Wine, all by The Civil Wars, all delightfully angsty. The Civil Wars write and sing the best Neal/Sara songs. (Disarm is a cover, for the record.)
Sara's a lawyer in this AU. I, however, am not. (In this AU or in real life.) And even if I was, I still wouldn't have much of a clue of the American legal system, which is not the same as the Indian one. So I bullshitted my way through the legal stuff. Most of it is probably inaccurate. Prior warning issued. Sorry not sorry.
There will be more in this verse! Maybe. Look to Can't Hold You Closer Than This for my (totally nonexistent, I can assure you) reliability with delivering on fic-related promises. (This one might just get written, though, because it's mainly sexy fun times. No promises!)
I will give this fic another editorial look-over tomorrow, because I am paranoid as fuck.
Why are my fics turning into such lengthy monsters lately??? What happened to nice little thousand word fics???


The first time Sara Ellis lays eyes on Neal Caffrey, nothing remarkable happens. )
s2309: (heart)
I don't talk much about other TV shows that I watch, but the latest episode of Scandal was such a game changer that I just have to share.

Season 5 spoilers ahoy! )
s2309: (Kate)
Title: Tomorrow Is A Different Day
Characters (Pairings): Kate Moreau, Neal Caffrey, Peter Burke, Alexandra Hunter, Vincent Adler, Garrett Fowler (Kate/Neal)
Rating: PG
Word Count: 4990
Spoilers: For Kate's storyline through seasons 1 and 2
Disclaimer: White Collar is Jeff Eastin's brainchild. Not mine.
Summary: Kate's spent her whole life investing in her tomorrow.
Author's Note: This is for [livejournal.com profile] runthecon, for the prompt 'tomorrow is another day' from [livejournal.com profile] aragarna.
Title's from Avril Lavigne's Tomorrow. There are lyrics from Halsey's album BADLANDS all over the story. They serve as sort of introductions to the various little disconnected pieces. So this isn't exactly a songfic, buuut it kinda is.
Many, many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] reve_silencieux for the speedy proofread and the cheerleading!
I should mention that this is a slightly old idea, and it had around 300-400 words written in advance, but this thing be looong (LOOK AT THAT WORDCOUNT, GUYS), so I don't think it makes that much of an impact? I mean, I knew the direction the story was headed in, but I had very few actual words written in advance, so. I hope that's okay?

As seems to perpetually be the case with me, this story isn't complete. Yes, you read that right. Almost 5k words and this monster wants more. Piece of shit.
Slightly spoilery content note-like thing (spoils a character arc): I know the first sentence is what it is, but Kate isn't vilified in this story. She loves Neal. She means well. She's allowed to be angry, and think freely, and do things that may hurt Neal without her realizing it. Peter, who is the antagonist of her story, is on the receiving end of much of her anger, but that doesn't make either of the two characters evil. They're just different people who happen to have made terrible first impressions on each other. Not every human on the planet has to get along like a house on fire. And finally, I'm sorry if Peter seems out of character to you, but I stand by his characterization in this fic.
I kinda sorta borrowed the "ornamental, not functional" idea from this really painful insult delivered by the President to the First Lady on Scandal. I wouldn't have mentioned it, but I couldn't find any alternate wording, so. :P
This is a bit of a bricolage, but I enjoyed writing it, so. :D

Also, it's 2 am, I haven't given this fic my usual final once-over because I'd like to sleep, please forgive mistakes and clumsy phrasing and such. ETA - Edited!


She loves him less than he loves her. )

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