s2309: (Alex 01)
Thank you all for your comments on my previous post (leave any further responses you may have under that post, please). I don't plan on ignoring them, I just need more time and energy to give them the thoughtful response they deserve - I've been unwell for the past 6-7 days and it's sapping my energy. Also, it's not a good idea for me to let my mind go there in this state - talking myself down from a ledge requires as much energy as anything else, and I tend to be a little more susceptible to braincrap when tired.

Thanks for understanding c:
s2309: (heart)
According to a very beautiful person on AO3, and confirmed by Sheikh Google, yesterday (day before yesterday? it's technically past midnight for me) was Suicide Awareness Day. And, since I'm in a stable enough headspace to talk about it, you get... me talking about it.

(that's a spoiler and not a cut tag because I want people with the new LJ to still be able to see the TW)

Over the past few years, I've been suicidal on and off, I've thought about killing myself on and off, I've sat on rooftops/balconies many times, I've had access to enough antidepressants to off myself and seriously contemplated taking them once.

I'm going to speak only for myself because I know very well that not everyone experiences depression the same way

What people don't seem to understand about my headspace when I'm there, on that roof, with those strips of pills in my hands, is that I am absolutely convinced that me being dead is honestly the best way forward for everyone. I know that there are people who will be hurt if I die, but I weigh that against the constant barrage of inconveniences and pain that my continued existence inflicts on them every day, and the balance tilts in favour of suicide.

What's more, it doesn't even feel like the people who are still around me will bother with caring too much. Being on the edge of suicide is horrible loneliness combined with this strange conviction that this is the right thing to do.

Yeah, it's a real mindfuck.

Today and now, I'm on medication that helps keep me okay. I'm in a stressful educational environment, but I'm learning to deal with that. I'm away from my family and I don't miss them and I think they don't miss me either, but that doesn't make me sad, that's just growing up. I have a roommate, several acquaintances, excellent professors and teaching fellows, a few very kind relatives, and a therapist.

I'm okay.

It feels like a fucking miracle, let me tell you. I'm so scared I'll do something and then be forced to sit around and watch as it all crumbles, but for now, like this, I'm okay.

Let this last, god, and I might even believe in you.
s2309: (Diana 2)
Because I am fucking sick of not writing, I'm throwing out a remix of the Music Is My Boyfriend meme, which I adore.

Here are twenty songs that I think would make good fic fodder. Pick a song (or a number, if you don't know any of them c: ), pair it with a character, and leave it in a comment! No repeated characters, please c:

1. Left Handed Kisses - Andrew Bird ft. Fiona Apple.
2. If Things Were Perfect - Moby - Elizabeth - [livejournal.com profile] sandy79
3. Extraordinary Machine - Fiona Apple
4. Sajda - from the My Name Is Khan soundtrack
5. Medicine - Daughter
6. Mar Jawaan - from the Fashion soundtrack
7. Nothing & Nowhere - Emily Haines and the Soft Skeleton
8. Jugni - from the Cocktail soundtrack
9. Where I Come From - Maria Mena - Diana - [livejournal.com profile] china_shop
10. Various Storms & Saints - Florence + The Machine
11. In The Waiting Line - Zero 7 - Sara - Anonymous
12. Penguin - Christina Perri
13. Baatein - Fuzön
14. Too Late - M83 - Peter - [livejournal.com profile] sandy79
15. Rust Or Gold - Jill Andrews - Neal - [livejournal.com profile] treonb
16. Last Kiss - Taylor Swift - Kate - [livejournal.com profile] sandy79
17. Elastic Heart - Sia
18. Badi Dheere Jali - from the soundtrack of Ishqiya
19. Losing Grip - Avril Lavigne
20. Thinking Out Loud - Emiliana Torrini
s2309: (Alex 02)
Title: Lover To Lover
Characters (Pairings): Alex Hunter
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 235
Disclaimer: White Collar is Jeff Eastin's brainchild. Not mine.
Summary: France is the best lover she's found in a while.
Author's Note: For Day 2 of The Merry Month of Masturbation. Title's from the song of the same name by Florence + the Machine.

She's been making sweet love to France all summer long. )
s2309: (writing)
I have a bit of time before I start college (read: tons), and so I figure it's about time I clear out my writing plate. I have a writing projects spreadsheet that is forty entries long. I wish I was kidding.

Below is a poll which basically asks you what kind of fic you want to see from me in, to help me prioritise my To Write list. (I've included my poetry and a couple of original ideas in the first question because I'm a completionist, even though they may not be things that you may want to see.)

Bear in mind that this poll is mostly a means for me to figure out what you guys want. There is every chance that even if the poll says "DO X!!! DO IT NOW!!!", my muse will rebel, I'll end up doing Y, Z and K, and poor X will be left malingering in the dust.

Also, I have a few commitments on my plate already. For one thing, TVU Bingo is going on, and as long as that goes on, short fics will be posted. For another, I have an epic length fic in mind for wcpairings (not in this poll), and that will be given priority in the form of daily writing time. For a third, some of my writing time will go into finishing fics for the Marvel is Marvel exchange (a few days in April) and the SSR Confidential exchange (a few days in May).

But obviously, my audience is you, and I want to give you what you want. So your vote matters!! Go forth and choose!

[Poll #2039780]
s2309: (heart)
So I've spent this weekend pretty much lying in bed and writing commentfics in various fandoms (but mostly White Collar, because White Collar). And I thought I'd stagger the posting over the next few days, but it's Valentine's day and I love all of you and so this is my gift to you. Hope you like it!

I wrote 17 commentfics total :o )
s2309: (puppy)
I owe everyone an apology. I submitted a stocking for fandom_stocking this year, and I haven't filled a single one yet.

So. Give me a character, a pairing, a word, a phrase, a sentence, a picture, whatever, and I'll write something for you.

I can't make any guarantees about the length of fills. It may even be a pithy fifty words. But I will fill every prompt you guys send my way on this post.

I love you all.
s2309: (guitar)
So this is a thing I found somewhere on the LJ internet, and was going to post as soon as tests got over, but turns out, I'm a forgetful person.

Pick two numbers from 1 to 1544 and give me a character or a pairing (friendship pairings are totally cool also), and I will write you a ficlet thing based on one of the songs that the numbers represent!

Two numbers because I am unbelievably finicky about songs and whether or not they go with a character/pairing and you picking two songs increases the odds of you picking a song that I feel goes with the character/pairing you picked. If you get lucky and both songs fit the character/pairing, you may just get two ficlets! If you get super unlucky and both songs are songs I can't or won't write to, you can just pick more numbers. C:

White Collar is obviously my main fandom, but I'm willing to try my hand at Agent Carter, Agents of SHIELD, and... yeah, that's it. I still feel like I don't know enough about Natasha Romanoff to write her, sadly. And besides, I'm barely in these fandoms.

You should have seen me before this post though, I was downloading music like it was necessary for every song I've ever loved to be in my iTunes before this meme. (They keep disappearing because the drive I store my music on keeps crashing. Oh, the sweet days when I actually had all the songs I love.) I failed, because even I cannot download a thousand songs in an evening.
s2309: (puppy)
So I have exams, and then more exams, and will be avoiding the internet as much as possible till about June. I may pop in more often in April, but March and May and the beginning of June are going to be so shitty it's unreal.

I will still be writing (because I've learned my lesson from last time, and i'd like to get out of this sane) but I may not post any of it, and I definitely won't crosspost or read the amazing things that you write or reply to comments or comment on fics, and I'll generally be a very suckish fandom person till this is over, but in case you forget while I'm gone, you all are amazing people, and there is a special place in my heart for all of you, and i will be back. (probably not unscathed, but you can't have everything.)



Feb. 5th, 2015 09:57 pm
s2309: (puppy)
It's starting to look like I'll have to play catch up with Halfamoon tomorrow. I'm in the middle of an essay which will not be done before midnight, by which time I will need to sleep. If anyone minds my posting two fics tomorrow, speak now or forever hold your peace (WHY DO I DO THIS OH DEAR GOD).
s2309: (Sara)
ETA - Found! Thank you :)

This is not because I need someone to hold my hand before I post, what are you talking about.

I would like a beta for a short fic I've just finished writing. I've had a beta once (in another fandom, it wasn't a great experience), and I'm not sure I'd like to have a beta, but if this is a thing that works, maybe we could keep working together?

General: My favourite characters of late are Neal, Rachel and Sara - I think about them most. I write other characters based on my mood and what the music puts in my head - all my fic can be blamed on a combination of free time and music. My upper limit in terms of word count tends to be 2k-ish, but I have a few longer fics that I want to write (that probably won't get done, but a girl can dream).

The specific fic I'd like you to beta is a Sara-centric London fic, about 1.5k words. It's set in the same 'verse as Somehow, Sundown (aka, gratuitous Neal whump), and while I don't explore Neal's POV in this fic, I might do so later on. (I make no guarantees because I am quite literally not in control of what I write.)

I am mostly fine with spelling and grammar. I tend to write too much character stuff and description stuff with not enough plot, and I need someone who can call me out on that when it gets in the way. I am terrible at judging whether a fic as a whole is cohesive/flows well/etc - I prefer to look at sentences and paragraphs - so if you can do that, that'd be great. Also, there are likely other things I screw up, please feel free to point them out.

PM me if you think you'd like to beta for me :)

[this was too long, wasn't it.]
s2309: (writing)
...except, I am well known for failing hugely at writing to prompts. But, considering that the word 'treat' means that fills can be short and don't have to eat my brain (but oh god, I know they will), I think I'm going to go for this. Wish me luck!

The first five people who come trick or treating at my door will get at least 75-100 words of a something. All you have to do is comment with "trick or treat!" and leave me a prompt or a pairing or a character or a song lyric or anything inspirational, really. And please post this at your own journal so I can come trick-or-treating at your place!
s2309: (Sapphire)
So, um, I failed at posting yesterday. But! I wrote about 2500 words that are a part of a longer story that will hopefully see the light of journal soon. So, forgiven?

Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio

There are boatloads of songs that I wish were played more on the radio, but I'll just stick to the two I'm switching between today.


New Day by Kate Havnevik. I like the intro well enough, but I only really fall in love with this song at about 1:44. It's lovely.

youtube )
lyrics )


Cello Song by The Books featuring Jose Gonzalez. I'd been hunting for this song two days ago and making no headway till I remembered that it had been in the background of The Blacklist. It's beautiful.

youtube )
lyrics )

Question - What do you think Neal's afraid of? This is for the story I referenced above - I want to scare the shit out of him, but he doesn't scare easy. Generally, specifically, whatever. Thanks in advance!
s2309: (June)

I have not been writing. Or editing. Or commenting on half the things I normally would have commented on.

Help me out a leetle? Thanksh :D

In the comments, leave me the name of a character and a noun or a phrase (place, emotion, thing, whatever). You can also specify a story from my masterlist, if you'd like, and I have a brand new cotton candy bingo card! I'll write you a drabble. Or more than a drabble (at least, I hope).

(ganked from [livejournal.com profile] angelita26)
s2309: (Sapphire)
So, my HC advent story grew a plot.

Basically, Peter doesn't get off that easily. I don't want any scenes in the courtroom, just random details like how long a high profile murder trial would go on for and whether Sophie Covington and June's testimony as character references for Peter would be questioned if they were paying his lawyer.

The internet is proving useless. Anyone?

January 2017

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