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Entry tags:
- character: neal caffrey,
- character: olivia pope,
- fandom: scandal,
- fandom: white collar,
- for: gameofcards,
- i am clearly incapable of tagging today.,
- i might just be an idiot,
- oh my god i seriously just did this,
- rating: pg,
- this is really hard,
- type: angst,
- type: fanmix,
- type: hurt/comfort,
- type: island!fic,
- words are hard.
Lost At Sea, a White Collar/Scandal fanmix
A White Collar/Scandal fanmix accompanied by about 1100 words of fic. Neal Caffrey and Olivia Pope. I'd say it was rated PG, PG13. I don't know exactly how sucky the fic is - I wrote it last night with a deadline (challenge 3 at ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
gameofcards), I didn't even look it over, so it's probably terrible. But if someone's jonesing for fic, here, have some island!Neal angst C:
Spoilers - for White Collar, S04E02 (Most Wanted), for Scandal, S03E18 (The Price Of Free And Fair Election).
Sorry I don't explain much of the context for Scandal within the fic. Fitz is the POTUS, Olivia's having an affair with him. Olivia left DC and her life at the end of Season 3. It is as yet unknown where she went or if she'll ever return to Olivia Pope and Associates, her not-law firm (she will). In short, she and Neal are going through very similar experiences, and the fanmix and the accompanying pieces of fic are for both of them. This is assuming that they both escaped at about the same time, and that Olivia fled to Cape Verde.
I think that's about all you need to know for this to make some kind of sense.
The decision to leave was made so quickly. It wasn't easy, but it was quick. Maybe too quick. There was no time to consider alternatives or deliberate or waste even a few seconds. All there was to do was pick a path and then cling to it like their lives depended on it (they probably did).
It hurts. They didn't notice it initially, but as time wears on, the wounds on their souls and hearts become more prominent. They take center stage. Control everything. Neal can flirt with Maya all he wants, Olivia can convince herself that she wants Jake, but the bruises don't disappear. They linger. They permeate through everything.
It's only possible to hold broken shards of yourself together for so long without nearly bleeding out. And they've crossed that point a while back. They're breaking apart, splitting at the edges, their facades cracking, the raw, unwanted truth guarded by all the shards shining through.
It's rather unpleasant, the whole affair.
Neal's running from nothing, towards nothing. No, that's not right, he's running from New York. But he doesn't have any particular destination in mind.
Right now, he's actually running, bare feet on blistering sand, detouring into the nearby ocean when the heat becomes too much, running away, running ahead. Keep moving - that's the key.
He sees her at some point, seated on a deckchair, glass in hand, looking for all the world like a New Yorker out of place. He notices that he's slowing down, stopping near her, but he does nothing to prevent it.
"You from New York?" he calls out.
"DC," she replies. "Is it that obvious?"
"Maybe." He slows to a walk and eventually stops, close enough to her that they don't have to shout to be heard.
He almost introduces himself as Neal Caffrey, not because he's stupid or inexperienced or out of practice (he's out of practice, used to luxury, being on the run isn't normal to him anymore). He wants to talk to someone as himself. Maya calls him New York and that almost works, almost, but it's not the same as Neal.
"James Maine," he makes himself say.
"Olivia Pope." She holds out a hand. He shakes it.
Either she's dreaming, or a stray jogger wearing nothing but swim shorts just walked up to her and pegged her as a corporate.
She's done her best to fit in, worn the right clothes, gone the length of sticking a straw hat onto her head, and she still can't rid herself of the stink of DC.
He's a charmer, she notices. Like Harrisson, except more polished, smoother, more of a social engineer. He has a smile that draws you in, an open, enchanting, deceptive manner. She sees all the warning signs. She's not going to fall for it.
She falls for it. Before she knows what she's doing, she's agreed to drinks at his villa, he's agreed wholeheartedly that she should bring her boyfriend along, and he's run off into the distance and she's alone again.
She wishes he'd stayed for longer. She has no idea what happened, but she hasn't felt this comfortable in a while.
It only takes a few caipirinhas for both of them to spill the fact that they're both fugitives, in a sense of the word. Jake is oddly comfortable with the whole situation, probably because James has made no attempts to move on her. He was just a stranger who wanted a conversation. And now he's kin.
They walk about what they left behind, the places, the lives, the people - especially the people - in the vaguest detail possible. James is hiccoughing by the end of it, and Olivia's more than a little unsteady on her feet. Eventually, James slumps forward onto the bar, apparently asleep, and Jake takes all her weight onto himself and walks her back to their villa.
She doesn't know about James, but she feels papered over, bandaged up and ready to go. She isn't healed, but the bruises are soothed for now.
Jake should have been able to do that. Not a stranger she met on a beach. Jake. But she can't talk to Jake about Fitz without him knowing (he heard her talk to James, he already knows) and James is a new person who knows nothing about her. It's so easy to talk to him.
Neal feels himself settling back into his skin. Talking about Peter and New York and everything, even in the vaguest terms, to someone who understands, who gets it, is like a gem, a prize. He feels less broken, more whole, even though he has a hangover headache that is splitting his skull open.
He can't stay here. Olivia did the worst possible thing she could by fitting him back into his skin. Because being back in his skin means he can't stay here, means that he needs to go back to New York. He's fine, but his surroundings are not, and he can hide from the truth by flirting with Maya for a little longer, but he needs to go back to New York.
If Peter doesn't come sweeping in with a plan very soon, he has no idea what he's going to do.
Olivia fights.
No, that's not accurate, Jake nurses her though a hangover first. But once that's done, she fights her father, fights B 6 13, fights anyone who stands in between her and Olivia Pope and Associates. DC is her hometown, her safe place. Without the pressure of a deadline and the threat of a secret waiting to spill out, she doesn't feel like herself.
She's a gladiator in a suit. A beach on an island in a remote corner of the world is no place for a gladiator in a suit.
There are roadblocks. Of course there are roadblocks. Even Peter can't pave the way back to New York for him. Even all of Olivia's political muscle can't clear the route back quite as fast as she'd like it to be cleared. But they fixed each other up, built themselves back to what they were, and now they're fighting.
Going back feels too right. Olivia shouldn't be in DC - everything that has ever collapsed into rubble around her has been because of her. Neal only brings grief to Peter, in some form or the other. But coming home makes the bruises disappear. They don't need to be held together by paper and bandages.
It shouldn't feel so terribly, perfectly right to do the wrong thing.
gameofcards), I didn't even look it over, so it's probably terrible. But if someone's jonesing for fic, here, have some island!Neal angst C:Spoilers - for White Collar, S04E02 (Most Wanted), for Scandal, S03E18 (The Price Of Free And Fair Election).
Sorry I don't explain much of the context for Scandal within the fic. Fitz is the POTUS, Olivia's having an affair with him. Olivia left DC and her life at the end of Season 3. It is as yet unknown where she went or if she'll ever return to Olivia Pope and Associates, her not-law firm (she will). In short, she and Neal are going through very similar experiences, and the fanmix and the accompanying pieces of fic are for both of them. This is assuming that they both escaped at about the same time, and that Olivia fled to Cape Verde.
I think that's about all you need to know for this to make some kind of sense.
Lost At Sea - Dave Thomas Jr.
Stay the current course
No matter what, don’t change for anyone
Stay the current course
No matter what, don’t change for anyone
The decision to leave was made so quickly. It wasn't easy, but it was quick. Maybe too quick. There was no time to consider alternatives or deliberate or waste even a few seconds. All there was to do was pick a path and then cling to it like their lives depended on it (they probably did).
Bones - MS MR
Dig up her bones, but leave the soul alone
Boy with a broken soul, heart with a gaping hole
Dig up her bones, but leave the soul alone
Boy with a broken soul, heart with a gaping hole
It hurts. They didn't notice it initially, but as time wears on, the wounds on their souls and hearts become more prominent. They take center stage. Control everything. Neal can flirt with Maya all he wants, Olivia can convince herself that she wants Jake, but the bruises don't disappear. They linger. They permeate through everything.
Human - Christina Perri
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human
It's only possible to hold broken shards of yourself together for so long without nearly bleeding out. And they've crossed that point a while back. They're breaking apart, splitting at the edges, their facades cracking, the raw, unwanted truth guarded by all the shards shining through.
It's rather unpleasant, the whole affair.
Breath Of Life - Florence + The Machine
I was looking for the breath of a life
A little touch of a heavenly light
But all the choirs in my head sang, no oh oh oh
I was looking for the breath of a life
A little touch of a heavenly light
But all the choirs in my head sang, no oh oh oh
Neal's running from nothing, towards nothing. No, that's not right, he's running from New York. But he doesn't have any particular destination in mind.
Right now, he's actually running, bare feet on blistering sand, detouring into the nearby ocean when the heat becomes too much, running away, running ahead. Keep moving - that's the key.
He sees her at some point, seated on a deckchair, glass in hand, looking for all the world like a New Yorker out of place. He notices that he's slowing down, stopping near her, but he does nothing to prevent it.
"You from New York?" he calls out.
"DC," she replies. "Is it that obvious?"
"Maybe." He slows to a walk and eventually stops, close enough to her that they don't have to shout to be heard.
He almost introduces himself as Neal Caffrey, not because he's stupid or inexperienced or out of practice (he's out of practice, used to luxury, being on the run isn't normal to him anymore). He wants to talk to someone as himself. Maya calls him New York and that almost works, almost, but it's not the same as Neal.
"James Maine," he makes himself say.
"Olivia Pope." She holds out a hand. He shakes it.
Hide And Seek - Imogen Heap
Where are we?
What the hell
Is going on?
Where are we?
What the hell
Is going on?
Either she's dreaming, or a stray jogger wearing nothing but swim shorts just walked up to her and pegged her as a corporate.
She's done her best to fit in, worn the right clothes, gone the length of sticking a straw hat onto her head, and she still can't rid herself of the stink of DC.
He's a charmer, she notices. Like Harrisson, except more polished, smoother, more of a social engineer. He has a smile that draws you in, an open, enchanting, deceptive manner. She sees all the warning signs. She's not going to fall for it.
She falls for it. Before she knows what she's doing, she's agreed to drinks at his villa, he's agreed wholeheartedly that she should bring her boyfriend along, and he's run off into the distance and she's alone again.
She wishes he'd stayed for longer. She has no idea what happened, but she hasn't felt this comfortable in a while.
Silver Lining - Hurts
I will try to save you, cover up the grey
With silver lining
I will try to save you, cover up the grey
With silver lining
It only takes a few caipirinhas for both of them to spill the fact that they're both fugitives, in a sense of the word. Jake is oddly comfortable with the whole situation, probably because James has made no attempts to move on her. He was just a stranger who wanted a conversation. And now he's kin.
They walk about what they left behind, the places, the lives, the people - especially the people - in the vaguest detail possible. James is hiccoughing by the end of it, and Olivia's more than a little unsteady on her feet. Eventually, James slumps forward onto the bar, apparently asleep, and Jake takes all her weight onto himself and walks her back to their villa.
She doesn't know about James, but she feels papered over, bandaged up and ready to go. She isn't healed, but the bruises are soothed for now.
Jake should have been able to do that. Not a stranger she met on a beach. Jake. But she can't talk to Jake about Fitz without him knowing (he heard her talk to James, he already knows) and James is a new person who knows nothing about her. It's so easy to talk to him.
How You Remind Me - Nickelback
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
Neal feels himself settling back into his skin. Talking about Peter and New York and everything, even in the vaguest terms, to someone who understands, who gets it, is like a gem, a prize. He feels less broken, more whole, even though he has a hangover headache that is splitting his skull open.
What Now - Rihanna
Whatever it is,
it's just laughing at me
And I just wanna scream, what now?
Whatever it is,
it's just laughing at me
And I just wanna scream, what now?
He can't stay here. Olivia did the worst possible thing she could by fitting him back into his skin. Because being back in his skin means he can't stay here, means that he needs to go back to New York. He's fine, but his surroundings are not, and he can hide from the truth by flirting with Maya for a little longer, but he needs to go back to New York.
If Peter doesn't come sweeping in with a plan very soon, he has no idea what he's going to do.
Try - Pink
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Olivia fights.
No, that's not accurate, Jake nurses her though a hangover first. But once that's done, she fights her father, fights B 6 13, fights anyone who stands in between her and Olivia Pope and Associates. DC is her hometown, her safe place. Without the pressure of a deadline and the threat of a secret waiting to spill out, she doesn't feel like herself.
She's a gladiator in a suit. A beach on an island in a remote corner of the world is no place for a gladiator in a suit.
King And Lionheart - Of Monsters And Men
And in the sea that's painted black,
Creatures lurk below the deck
But you're a king and I'm a lionheart.
And in the sea that's painted black,
Creatures lurk below the deck
But you're a king and I'm a lionheart.
There are roadblocks. Of course there are roadblocks. Even Peter can't pave the way back to New York for him. Even all of Olivia's political muscle can't clear the route back quite as fast as she'd like it to be cleared. But they fixed each other up, built themselves back to what they were, and now they're fighting.
I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - Sleeping At Last
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door
It's a long road home. But thanks to one drunken night on an island, they're strong enough to keep going. Even with a bullet wound in his thigh, Neal refuses to stop running in the direction he prefers most. Even with all of Rowan's network of spies and killers up against her, Olivia doesn't back down.
Once they're through, they're more than ready to collapse and let someone else make responsible adult decisions for a little while. But they fought their way through by themselves. No one did that for them.
Welcome Home - Radical Face
Peel the scars from off my back
I don't need them anymore
You can throw them out or keep them in your mason jars
I've come home
Peel the scars from off my back
I don't need them anymore
You can throw them out or keep them in your mason jars
I've come home
Going back feels too right. Olivia shouldn't be in DC - everything that has ever collapsed into rubble around her has been because of her. Neal only brings grief to Peter, in some form or the other. But coming home makes the bruises disappear. They don't need to be held together by paper and bandages.
It shouldn't feel so terribly, perfectly right to do the wrong thing.