I am very angry at Neal Caffrey today.
Sep. 25th, 2016 12:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
On October 20th, 2015, a friend of mine died. I knew him for only two months, but he was one of the kindest people he knew and I valued him greatly.
Today, I realised that the painted bottle he gifted me for my birthday was missing from my living room, and also that the one voice message I had of his (in which he talked about Mojo Jojo, the sweetheart), was locked on a phone whose data I couldn't access. And for the first time since he died, I really, truly missed his presence.
If I thought I was mad at Neal before...
I left off my series of S6 finale tags (I had more planned). If I start them again now, I will tear into Neal perhaps worse than he deserves. Because I've spent the past couple of hours crying, hiccoughing to a stop, and crying some more. Because for one of those two hours, I couldn't understand how the world would get back to normal again after this much pain. To hurt someone like that, intentionally, without cause, without consideration, is too cruel for words.
My nana (maternal grandfather) is really unwell and feeble. He's not going to live much longer. Someday, I'll have this moment where I realise that he's really gone.
No one should be forced to have that moment twice. Ever. Just, no. It's too painful.
Today, I realised that the painted bottle he gifted me for my birthday was missing from my living room, and also that the one voice message I had of his (in which he talked about Mojo Jojo, the sweetheart), was locked on a phone whose data I couldn't access. And for the first time since he died, I really, truly missed his presence.
If I thought I was mad at Neal before...
I left off my series of S6 finale tags (I had more planned). If I start them again now, I will tear into Neal perhaps worse than he deserves. Because I've spent the past couple of hours crying, hiccoughing to a stop, and crying some more. Because for one of those two hours, I couldn't understand how the world would get back to normal again after this much pain. To hurt someone like that, intentionally, without cause, without consideration, is too cruel for words.
My nana (maternal grandfather) is really unwell and feeble. He's not going to live much longer. Someday, I'll have this moment where I realise that he's really gone.
No one should be forced to have that moment twice. Ever. Just, no. It's too painful.
no subject
Date: 2016-09-24 07:39 pm (UTC)Don't be too hard on Neal, he's only a fictional character that had to leave a series finale with a bang. In real life, he'd probably more considerate. Precisely because he knows how painful loss is.
(Not sure if that helps. It kinda made sense in my head when I started typing...)
no subject
Date: 2016-09-25 02:17 pm (UTC)But yeah, I see him as not totally mentally healthy at the end of S6.
Thanks <3
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Date: 2016-09-24 08:12 pm (UTC)I'm so sorry about your friend. It's soooo hard to lose people like that, and especially so at some times more than others. I hope your memories of him will help in some way to bring you comfort, even if you'll always miss him. *HUGS*
no subject
Date: 2016-09-25 02:19 pm (UTC)Maybe I'm not being totally rational, but yeah. I'm still really angry at him.
I'm trying to remember him as the kindhearted person he was, and be happy. But right now, I just really miss him.
no subject
Date: 2016-09-24 09:21 pm (UTC)(And I'm still angry about that finale. WILL NEVER BE OVER IT.)
no subject
Date: 2016-09-25 04:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-09-25 02:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-09-25 02:13 pm (UTC)My anger bubbles up occasionally. The occasion - every time I think of the finale.