I am very angry at Neal Caffrey today.

[s2309]

On October 20th, 2015, a friend of mine died. I knew him for only two months, but he was one of the kindest people he knew and I valued him greatly.

Today, I realised that the painted bottle he gifted me for my birthday was missing from my living room, and also that the one voice message I had of his (in which he talked about Mojo Jojo, the sweetheart), was locked on a phone whose data I couldn't access. And for the first time since he died, I really, truly missed his presence.

If I thought I was mad at Neal before...

I left off my series of S6 finale tags (I had more planned). If I start them again now, I will tear into Neal perhaps worse than he deserves. Because I've spent the past couple of hours crying, hiccoughing to a stop, and crying some more. Because for one of those two hours, I couldn't understand how the world would get back to normal again after this much pain. To hurt someone like that, intentionally, without cause, without consideration, is too cruel for words.

My nana (maternal grandfather) is really unwell and feeble. He's not going to live much longer. Someday, I'll have this moment where I realise that he's really gone.

No one should be forced to have that moment twice. Ever. Just, no. It's too painful.

Comments

[aragarna.livejournal.com]

awww ***hugs*** I'm sorry you're feeling so hurt right now. And that you've lost those souvenirs of your friend.

Don't be too hard on Neal, he's only a fictional character that had to leave a series finale with a bang. In real life, he'd probably more considerate. Precisely because he knows how painful loss is.
(Not sure if that helps. It kinda made sense in my head when I started typing...)

[sapphire2309]

That doesn't really help, sadly :(

But yeah, I see him as not totally mentally healthy at the end of S6.

Thanks <3

[sherylyn]

*HUGS* I do understand, and I think Neal would, too, under normal circumstances. But I think he was in a very messed-up head space when he made that decision, honestly. Not that that excuses it, by any means, but it's a bit like how someone who's suicidal convinces themselves that loved ones would actually be better off without them. I think Neal had a type of that thinking going on, even without actually wanting to kill himself. And like Aragarna said, at least he's fictional, which also means he can be fixed in some way or other. <3 But sometimes, too, his being fictional also means it's easier/better to take out our emotional reactions on him than on others who are actually around us. In that case, I'm sure he'd let you vent on him if you need to! <3

I'm so sorry about your friend. It's soooo hard to lose people like that, and especially so at some times more than others. I hope your memories of him will help in some way to bring you comfort, even if you'll always miss him. *HUGS*

[sapphire2309]

I agree with that. And it's probably exactly that - suicidality on Neal's end.

Maybe I'm not being totally rational, but yeah. I'm still really angry at him.

I'm trying to remember him as the kindhearted person he was, and be happy. But right now, I just really miss him.

[sholio]

*hugs* I am so sorry about your friend. :(

(And I'm still angry about that finale. WILL NEVER BE OVER IT.)

[sholio]

p.s. This seemed like a very good day to write your prompt on Tumblr! :D I hope it helps make things a little nicer.

[sapphire2309]

I LOVED IT! Especially Sara aiding her rescuer and Diana's "Oh, be quiet," in the end. Brilliant :D

[sapphire2309]

He was an excellent human being. He's sorely missed.

My anger bubbles up occasionally. The occasion - every time I think of the finale.